


Hold On (I still Need You)

by bookl0ver



Series: Ballum Week 2020 [5]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ballum Week 2020 (EastEnders), Don't copy to another site, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookl0ver/pseuds/bookl0ver
Summary: Ballum Week Day 5 - Distance/SeparationThe pain of an unwilling separation - Set during the Kidnapping
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778890
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Hold On (I still Need You)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking 
> 
> Mentions kidnapping, violence and angst
> 
> Enjoy!

The ropes around Callum’s wrists burned with every minute movement he made. It was unbearable, but if he focused on it, continued to aggravate that pain then he could forget about how the rest of his body ached. 

He didn’t know how long Keanu had been keeping him here but it felt like days. He’d been battered and beaten beyond comprehension, kept chained up like an animal with barely any water or food. His mouth was so dry, if he shut his eyes it was almost like being back in the deserts of Afghanistan. There was nothing he could do about it either, the cloth over his mouth tightly tied behind his head, sapping any moisture.

Somehow, that wasn’t the worst part.

No, the worst part was not being near Ben, not having a warm hand rubbing his thigh, or a soft body cuddling into his. The pain wracking his body was nothing compared to the gaping wound in his heart, yearning for Ben. He’d be able to get through this, he knew, if only he had Ben by his side.

But that was the point, wasn’t it? Separate them, weaken them. Because without each other, they were weak, Ben and Callum both knew that. Neither would dare admit it, their visage of masculinity and control forbidding it, but it was understood between them. 

A cough forced itself from Callum’s lungs, and he groaned, more akin to a sob as the action jolted his aching ribs and parched throat. Keanu hadn’t been back for a while, Callum’s body feeling the full effects of his absence, as much as his presence. God, he was so thirsty. 

Tears fell down his cheeks, down the tracks made by their predecessors through the grime and blood that coated Callum’s face. All he wanted was Ben - that gentle voice he used when he reassured him - telling him that everything would be okay, the scent of his aftershave and Callum’s washing powder. A smile cracked his face despite the pain as he thought of that. Ben had started putting his clothes in Callum’s laundry pile, and Callum had started washing them. The difference in Ben’s scent had taken him by surprise, but he enjoyed it, knowing Ben smelled like him, like their home. He raised his bound hands and sniffed his own jacket, the faint hint of the washing powder clinging to it. If he squeezed his eyes tight enough, and imagined – like a child after a nightmare, like he did when he was little and his dad went on a rampage – he could pretend he was home, safe, with Ben clinging to him. 

Curling up against the box beside him, he allowed himself to drift into the fantasy, Ben’s voice echoing in his head. 

You’re going to get through this,

Just enjoy yourself.

You’re gorgeous, 

I’m lucky to have you

That’s why I like ya

I want you to be you

You can’t say no to me can ya 

Kiss me, in front of everybody 

You’re my boyfriend 

He drifted off into unconsciousness thinking of Ben. Praying that somehow, somewhen, Ben would find him. He would find him. He had to, because he needed him. 

Callum needed him. 

Ben had been ordered to try and sleep by Jay, who had found him running around like a madman at two in the morning for the last two days. He couldn’t, but had to humour his brother in case he started to ask questions. It was obvious Jay knew something was up, but he also knew Ben wouldn’t tell him if he didn’t want to. And he really didn’t want him to, didn’t want somebody else that he loved involved in this mess. 

So now here he was, laying in his bed at the Mitchell house. He hadn’t slept here for weeks, not properly. Since he and Callum had gotten back together it always made more sense to be at Callum’s, wrapped up in sheets the smelled of him, with his boyfriend’s long arms holding him tight. 

His own blankets didn’t compare, not even smelling of the washing powder that was set deep in all of Callum’s fabrics. When he wrapped them around him and tried to close his eyes all he could think was that this felt wrong. The blankets weren’t strong arms, there were no soft, big hands running through his hair. Without the weight of his boyfriend at his back he felt cold, exposed. 

Tears trickled down his cheeks as he finally allowed himself to feel anything but enraged anger and desperation since Callum had been taken. Without Callum there he felt lonely, miserable – 

Weak.

Alone, without Callum he was weak – his breath hitched at the realisation. It was Callum, knowing that Callum loved him, for whatever reason, that Callum would always be there, that gave Ben the strength to get through the day. The promise of being held in Callum’s embrace every evening, held until all of his broken pieces that frayed apart during the stresses of the day were pressed back together, was his motivation. Without it, all he had was exhaustion, no reprieve. 

Not even Lexi, with her earnest, unconditional love made up for the ache in his chest at not knowing if Callum was safe. If he was even alive. God, if he got his hands on Keanu he’d make it slow, he’d decided, so slow the fucker would beg for death before Ben gave it to him. When he’d showed up, taunting him about not wanting “poor Callum to run out of food and water” Ben had been tempted to take his revenge there and then. It was only the picture of Callum, tied up and afraid, slowly withering away if he couldn’t find him after dealing with Keanu that kept him at bay. 

Ben lay there, not even attempting to stop the sobs that fell from his mouth, agonised and desperate. All he did was lower his face into the pillow and pull Callum’s grey hoodie- his favourite hoodie, the one Callum ran in, that smelled so strongly of him that Ben could almost pretend he was here – tighter around him, the hood covering his eyes and arms hanging well over his hands. 

Eventually, two days of running on nothing but his own anger and adrenaline caught up with him, and he fell into a fitful, sobbing sleep, one thought on his mind. 

Finding Callum, releasing him from chains and terror, holding him in his arms and never ever letting go. Cuddling him, helping him. Saving Callum. 

Callum. Callum. Callum. 

He needed Callum.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> Have a great day!


End file.
